Hollow Hearts

Awkward Romance

I’m afraid he’ll see me, the way I see me. 
The bigger fear, is that I’ll drive him away.

But this is the happiest I’ve ever been. So why my constant paranoia?

Recently, I’ve had nothing but doubts running through my mind. Does he want to be here because it’s me or because he likes the idea of me?  Why isn’t there as much passion as there was before? Has the nostalgia really worn off for him so soon? 

And so, my thoughts have wandered into uncharted territories. 

My mind isn’t put at ease as I sit with a bag of chips, stuffing my face, watching romantic comedies all night. Sobbing every time they live happily ever after.

As I watch though, I silently wish to myself that I had what they have. 
I did have it. Still do have it.
It’s sorta just fizzing away. 

I miss that overpowering sexual tension. Those fake yawns at the movie theatre just so he can put his arm around me. I miss being on the phone til 6am, falling asleep as we go through hours of ‘no, you hang up’. I miss flirting shamelessly. I miss being walked to my door for the first time, pretending to look for my keys, waiting for that final goodnight kiss. 

I miss that awkward stage at the beginning of romance.

I want it back.